I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
