im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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