I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
