I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i wish my penis had a tongue
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
last night I used snow as a chaser
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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