You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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