and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
