After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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