i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
