just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
