I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
