do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
