I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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