my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
