I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
