I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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