Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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