Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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