if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
