i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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