whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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