If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
