Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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