I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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