Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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