someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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