tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
