I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
