Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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