shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
