Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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