I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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