I should be sponsored by Trojan
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
