spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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