she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
