And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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