The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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