Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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