hell yes lets make some ravioli
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
