I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
