so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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