Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
