If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
