Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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