So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize