Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
