Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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