WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The Olympian is in my bed
These tits shall not be calmed
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