I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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