I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
