I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
