Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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