I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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