Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sober January is a disaster.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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