So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
