I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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