YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
