we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
