she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
