saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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