there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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