At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
