She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
