I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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