He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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