Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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