i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
