So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
