He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
