At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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