i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
