Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
