to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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