I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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