i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize