Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
