11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
