I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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