Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
