The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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