Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
