We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
