There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
