He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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