try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
