So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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