***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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