I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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