They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize