Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
