it was like his penis was on wheels.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
