I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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