His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
