Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
