If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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