You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
