oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
