she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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