He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
