A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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