R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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